Reality-Warping Artifact — SPHERE Custody — Maximum Security
The Jizzlersphere is a reality-warping artifact of unknown origin and incalculable power. It predates SPHERE. It predates recorded history. The oldest reference to it in SPHERE's archival records describes it as already ancient at the time of writing, which puts its origin somewhere beyond the horizon of historical documentation entirely.
It is a physical object. Spherical. The exact dimensions are classified. It does not appear to be made of any material consistent with known physical matter — SPHERE's materials analysis division has been studying it since 1945 and has produced a large number of very confused reports. What it is made of is less important than what it does.
What it does is bend reality. Specifically, it interfaces with the fundamental energy that underlies the physical world — the same energy that Freak divine beings are composed of, the same energy that entities like Albẽrto's aura are drawing on. The Jizzlersphere does not just access this energy. It concentrates it, amplifies it, and directs it. In the right hands, with the right knowledge, it can do nearly anything.
The Jizzlersphere's most documented capability in SPHERE's operational history: it can reverse death. Not metaphorically. Not symbolically. It rebuilds the deceased from their original pattern, restores them to life, and in the process amplifies their capabilities. SPHERE used this capability to resurrect Ace of Hearts from a death 700 years prior. The result was not a weakened version of the original. It was better. This is not a minor detail. CUBE is relying on this exact property for their Epstein resurrection plan.
Beyond resurrection, the Jizzlersphere can interface with the physical structure of reality directly. The specifics of this capability are not fully understood by SPHERE's research division. What is understood: Nazi Germany spent over a decade studying it and concluded that it could be used to complete a ritual that would have had world-ending dimensional consequences. They were right about the capability. Albẽrto ensured they never got to use it.
Contact with the Jizzlersphere amplifies the inherent capabilities of individuals with existing Freak or reality-adjacent power. This is how Ace of Hearts' resurrection produced an enhanced version rather than a simple restoration. It is also why SPHERE believes a Jizzlersphere-assisted resurrection of Epstein would produce something considerably more dangerous than the pre-death original.
Even fragments of residual Jizzlersphere energy — power that has bled into surrounding environments from proximity to the artifact — can produce significant effects. CUBE demonstrated this by using Berlin bunker residue to imperfectly resurrect Dr. Meatrespect. An imperfect resurrection using a fragment produced an extreme-threat-level revenant. What the full artifact applied to a Freak deity's residual energy would produce is not something SPHERE wants to find out empirically.
The Jizzlersphere was discovered by a Nazi excavation team in a massive cavern at [REDACTED LOCATION]. The discovery was classified within the Nazi intelligence structure immediately. The regime recognized, through the consultation of occult advisors, that the artifact was of extraordinary significance. They began studying it. Their study attracted the attention of the Dark Freak Lord Epstein — at the time, the sitting supreme commander of the Freak hierarchy. A deal was proposed and accepted.
Hitler agreed to complete a ritual using the Jizzlersphere that would formalize his alliance with Epstein and give the Freak hierarchy unprecedented access to the human world. In exchange, Epstein offered Freak military support for the German war effort. The ritual was to take place in the Berlin bunker in 1945. Albẽrto intervened, eliminated Hitler before the ritual could be completed, and recovered the Jizzlersphere from the bunker during the same operation.
The Jizzlersphere has been in SPHERE custody since 1945. It was studied extensively. It was used, under strictly controlled conditions and with full SPHERE command authorization, to resurrect Ace of Hearts. It is now stored at a classified location under maximum security protocols. It has not been used since the Ace of Hearts operation and will not be used again without command-level authorization.
During the 1945 operation, residual Jizzlersphere energy bled into the bunker's structural materials. This was assessed as a minor containment issue and monitored passively. It was not minor. Over decades, this energy accumulated and coalesced into a concentrated fragment. CUBE identified, located, and acquired this fragment at some point prior to their resurrection of Dr. Meatrespect. SPHERE did not detect the acquisition in time to prevent it. SPHERE assesses this as an intelligence failure and has adjusted monitoring protocols accordingly.
CUBE's plan requires the full Jizzlersphere. The fragment they used on Dr. Meatrespect produced an imperfect result because the fragment was insufficient. Resurrecting a Freak deity — specifically Epstein, who was the Dark Freak Lord and whose power level far exceeds that of a human — requires the full artifact.
CUBE knows where the Jizzlersphere is, or is actively working to find out. SPHERE knows CUBE is coming for it. The security protocols around the artifact have been significantly upgraded since the fragment acquisition. They are currently assessed as sufficient. "Currently assessed as sufficient" is not a phrase that makes SPHERE command sleep well, and it shouldn't. CUBE has former SPHERE operatives in its roster. They know how SPHERE protects things.